No Guarantee

Today, I was reminded that there is no guarantee anything I do succeeds.

There is no guarantee that if I practice, the next concert will do well. My instrument or reed could easily die on the day itself. I could falter by stage fright. There could be sound issues. While I don't have any upcoming performances, it is up to my integrity as a musician to keep all these things intact when one does come about.

There is no guarantee that even if I study I'll do well in school. I could study the wrong topics, study the wrong way, or (as per recent events) get sick before an exam. I'm still plenty miffed about what happened, but now I'm doubly motivated to get my shit together for the upcoming projects and finals. I'm also never eating raw salmon again.

There is no guarantee that if I play my cards as best I know how, I'll get a date. I have to remember she's technically already rejected me; it's just that I think she's strongly hinting that she wants me to take things slowly first, to talk to her more, get to know her more, from dorm mealtimes and other occasions where I see her. I could have read her completely wrong (as unlikely as that is). And she might eventually decide I suck anyway.

There is no guarantee that I will get into MUN or other networking/resume-boosting events, despite how I write; or that Scoot won't charge another stupid fee on the flight back to Sydney despite how diligently I read everything; or that I'll be able to make it in time for my friend's concert, despite how I plan it. (Fuck peak-hour traffic anyway)

I could fail it all.

But I won't let it. That's the beauty, I suppose, of learning statistics - that while yes, you could fail it all, given certain parameters the chances are minuscule. If I study enough, chances are I will at least credit the course; if I show myself to be an attractive, sensible guy who can relate to her, chances are I will get her, or if not, someone else; if I take good care of my instrument, chances are it won't die on me on the next concert.

That's not to say everything will be fine and dandy. It won't. I can't possibly prepare for every situation that life throws at me, even if I know about it beforehand. But if I work at it, my chances will increase such that I will certainly not fail absolutely everything.

I might not get everything I want in life, but I can't lose at everything. I won't.