Dear Sunshine

Way back, when I first met you, I admit I wasn't paying a lot of attention. I had just flown in from Singapore; I was thinking about the semester ahead, maybe asking out a girl from the Singapore Society, or a local Australian from class, or even a non-student from the cathedral. I only really noticed the end of the walk you had nearly zero mud on your shoes; I concluded you must be a graceful dancer to be able to balance on the trail like that, and from there realized how pretty you were.

After my early rejections as a teenager, I've never really had any problems getting over girls. In NS, the girl I dated for a short while simply walked out of my life and found another boyfriend without telling me. When I found out I simply unfriended her and went back to duty. Similarly, pretty much every other girl I've met at uni I've gotten over within a day or so. When you sent your one-page message that you just wanted to be friends, back when you were still smitten with your ex, I hadn't tried to ask you out. I didn't even think of you as a prospect, just a pretty girl that happens to be my friend. It was a solid three days before I felt better.

In all honesty, there were a few moments where I felt like giving up. I asked myself, "She's not going to be my girlfriend, why am I doing all of this for her?" I still don't know why I chose to continue helping you. Maybe deep down, I knew you'd be by my side one day.

A lot of my decision to hit on other girls was because I was lonely. I thought since you want to be single, I should look for someone else, and you could help me out. I only realized your feelings after the concert night, when I had to ditch you and you sent me a wall of angry text. There and then, I realized I only care about you. But I didn't ask you out until study vacation because we were so busy. I simply offered the chocolate to you instead, and waited for the right time. I'm sorry if that confused you.

At the end, when you said you didn't want to be in a relationship, I ran out of ways to cope. I wanted to get over you once and for all, but you wouldn't let me, you kept messaging me. That night I came down late for the movie. I said I needed to finish up my last round of a game; which I did, and then I might have played a few more rounds afterwards because I was struggling. I kept telling myself, "It's just another day until she leaves, then I have time, then I can move on." I didn't want to show up to the movie. I don't remember why I did.

You once asked me why I like you. My answer is that you're as close as I can get to a long-term partner. Indeed, it's too early to think about forever. But as the famed counselor Gary Chapman says, "There will come a day where you will see all the flaws of your partner and wonder why you ever loved him or her." I believe I have picked the best girl possible to prepare for that day: someone who cares for the same things I do, who shares the same beliefs I do, who works hard, is intelligent, is great company, has a face I could keep looking at for years to come, and last but not least, is willing to work at the relationship and the inevitable struggles that come with it. This way, when Chapman's fateful day comes, if we do not crumble, we may start discussing forever.

Until then, Sunshine.